Let’s Talk About S-E-X


Since you are on the front lines we were wondering what’s on people’s minds,,,,

happy young asian couple enjoying summer and have on beautiful white sand beach

1) What’s on people’s minds these days? 

Sex, sex, and more sex, and then worrying whether they should be thinking about sex! And then worrying how they are thinking about sex.  Not only are people thinking about sex in today’s society, but they are carrying around shame and guilt of what comes to mind for them.  Most have the best of intention of “long walks on the beaches” and committal relationships but are settling for immediate gratification and soap opera like romances!

2) Do most people meet with you under the premise of something else? 

People rarely if ever present directly with sex concerns. In their defense, it is rarely about sex. It is typically about something underlying.  “it is not just about the sex!”

3) How are attitudes about sex the same? changing? 

The media is much more direct and open in regards to sex, but people as a whole are presenting much more confused.  In a technological era intimacy has shifted its role of importance and priority. Sex and intimacy has taken the backseat to computer compatibility and social media status. Often creating false expectations around intimate connection.  The essence of traditional courting and romance is becoming extinct creating strong sexual disillusion. People are struggling to maintain intimate connection in our fast moving, disposable society.

4) What are people looking for? 

People are still chasing after the romantic dream as evinced by the continued growing industry of dating websites.  People are looking for quicker and more convenient connections.  People are looking for intimacy and sex with the least risk of emotions and failure as they rely on algorithms to find their soulmate and sexual partners.

5) Is sex still a big deal? 

YES, if not more so.  Thanks to the multimillion dollar industries, “sex sells” and “sex is power”. People are still believing sex creates and ensues an intimate connection and builds connection. Although the intensity of dating and sex has increased due to the broadened world of dating and “hook up apps” the ultimate goal still remains for sex to equivocate to love.

6) How do you know what’s right in a relationship? 

The right relationship is spot on when you are looking for what is going right opposed to what is going wrong. You know the relationship is right when it does not feel imperative to apply lubrication to communication on a daily basis.

7) Have you heard it all?

Oh have I heard it all….. the world of dating, sex, and relationships has taken on an entirely new direction.  Waiting for a return phone call for a date is now substituted with an app locating a person in the closest proximity to hook up with for non-acquainted sex.  Men and woman are wondering confused and lost due to the shift in matriarchal and patriarch roles unsure of who wears the pants in the relationship, let alone who initiates sex. Questions continue to be unanswered why woman are considered to be promiscuous when having multiple sexual partners and a man is considered a Casanova.

8) When is it time for a therapist?

When there is a need for an alternative way of thinking and one is feeling overwhelmed with consuming thoughts of relationship status or sexual dissatisfaction.

If you have questions for Dr. Dara you can send them to us, or directly to Dr. Dara:

Dr. Dara Bushman, Psy.D., NBCCH, RRT