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How to Pop the Question

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When you have decided for certain that you have found your true love and you want to formalize your relationship by making it official, the next step is to pop the question. Whether you are a guy or a girl, you need to plan this milestone carefully. If you focus on these five details, everything else should fall into place for you. 

The Ring

If you want to do it the traditional way, then you want to offer a ring as a token of your devotion. We are seeing a current trend in favor of custom engagement rings, instead of factory or mass-produced rings. This is also part of the larger trend towards supporting individual craftsmen and women, rather than big corporations. So, if you are of a more traditional leaning, but are part of the artisanal movement, then consider working with an independent jeweler to create something special and unique. 

If you are less traditional, or maybe rings are impractical, you can think of another way to represent your intention. For example, you can offer a charm bracelet or locket with pictures inside, a special stone (precious or semi-precious), or a memento of your relationship. 

The Time

When we see people proposing in the movies, it’s usually over dinner, at night. That is a cliché. Now, there is nothing wrong with a well-executed cliché, especially if your partner loves that kind of thing. That is the point, though. You shouldn’t limit yourself to what is expected or accepted as normal. Rather, think of the time of day that is best for your partner. If he or she is freshest and most receptive in the morning, then that is when you should ask your question. 

The Place

This should work with the time of day that you have chosen, and it should reflect the kind of relationship you have with your partner. If you enjoy the nightlife and fine dining, then an evening of cuisine and champagne in your favorite restaurant is the best place to do it.

If, however, you are more of a sporty, outdoors kind of couple, then perhaps a camping trip is best, with a hike up to the top of a hill or mountain where you can propose. 

If your partner is an adrenaline junkie, then there are some options for unusual and exciting ways to propose, like skydiving or cage diving. Please do not con your partner into jumping out of a plane if he or she isn’t really the kind of person who would do it for kicks because then the answer will definitely be a no. 

Similarly, if your partner is shy, do not propose in front of a full room of strangers, or even friends and family. It puts an unfair pressure on the person to answer quickly, and usually, decisions made in haste, especially under social pressures to say yes and make everyone happy, become regrets later on. 

The Context

How will you ask your question, at the moment? Will you pour the champagne and drop the ring into the glass? Perhaps, you will ask the kitchen to make a special dessert and add the ring on as a final topping? Will you fumble a box out of your pocket and drop to one knee on a riverbank? Or will you let your partner find the ring in a chosen place that your partner frequents?

These are all very romantic ideas, and none have any better features over another. They are all great for one type of person and awful for another. So, you must decide how your partner will receive your plan. Put yourself in his or her shoes. 

The B Plan

Sometimes, a person will propose and get turned down. You need to be clear on your backup plan, should this happen to you. You have to decide how you will respond if the answer is no. This is to maintain your dignity and keep your perspective on the matter. 

If your partner turns you down, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she doesn’t love you. Indeed, it means that he or she loves you so much that you deserve an honest answer.

It doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship, as we often see in the movies. It simply means your partner is not ready for this level of commitment, which happens in real life. People do not develop at the same rate, and although you may be ready, your partner may not. 

So when you pop the question, keep in mind that although you are opening yourself up to rejection, you are also asking your partner to do the same by answering honestly. And no one should build a marriage on a lie. So try to keep the reaction as drama-free and compassionate as possible. 

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