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People: Avoid Dating Dead-Ends – Silent Sufferers

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By Heather Dugan, Connection Coach, for the SouthFloridaReporter.com, Aug 13, 2015 –  Caution: Dead-end ahead! Here’s another dating personality-type that relationship-seekers should avoid. Initially, it may seem that you’re highly compatible. He’s happy to help her catch up on yard work, and She doesn’t mind making plans around his best friend’s schedule. But She does, and He isn’t…and you are confused by an almost invisible undercurrent…    

Avoid Dating Dead-Ends: Silent Sufferers

“’Um sure, that’s fine. Whatever you want.’

Pout. Shoulder slump. Weak smile.

Defining this guy’s feelings and opinions will feel like holding soft gelatin. Pliability is terrific when throwing pottery, but too much softness in a grown man will erode respect. Quickly.

You can ask. But you can’t make him answer.

There will be an urge to push at him, to find out what he really thinks and feels. But if he isn’t comfortable with himself and/or is overly smitten with you, his feelings and opinions will only mirror yours.

This isn’t a comfortable situation for anyone.

He’s hoping you’ll notice, perceive or decipher. You will probably fail, however, because this guy is all about not sending any noticeable signals. That blip of an opinion may go off when your back is turned.

Do you really have time for this?

And passive can easily twist into insidious passive-aggressive communication–a silent and invisible war of wills. At the end of such a relationship, you may be left feeling you didn’t know him at all. He didn’t really reveal anything more than what he thought you might like to have across the dinner table.

Don’t blame him. His comfort zone is small. But don’t pursue and enable a partial connection like this. If you can’t draw him out? Cross him off.”

Excerpt from Date Like A Grownup: Anecdotes, Admissions of Guilt & Advice Between Friends by Heather Dugan. Copyright 2014. All rights reserved.

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Heather Dugan is a columnist, speaker and author with a focus on human connection. Her latest book, Date Like A Grownup: Anecdotes, Admissions of Guilt & Advice Between Friends, examines the impact of loneliness and social obsolescence on men and women in their second single lives and provides strategies for better living after divorce.