The St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office is no stranger to high-speed chases. Usually, these involve stolen Camaros or golf carts pushed to their absolute limit. However, the sirens echoed differently this week when the suspect in question turned out to be a 120-pound feathered prehistoric throwback with the turning radius of a shopping cart and the temperament of a caffeinated toddler.
The “Emu Emergency” began when residents reported a large, flightless bird weaving through traffic with the confidence of a tourist who doesn’t believe in blinkers. For the deputies on the scene, it was a crash course in avian psychology—mostly the realization that you cannot reason with a bird whose brain is roughly the size of a grape.
The Pursuit of Hoppiness (and Feathers)
Bodycam footage, which we can only assume will be set to the Benny Hill theme song during the department’s Christmas party, shows several deputies attempting to establish a “containment perimeter.” This is police-speak for “trying to look professional while a bird stares into your soul.”
“It’s surprisingly fast,” noted one deputy, who requested anonymity to preserve his dignity among his peers. “You think you’ve got it cornered, and then it does this little wiggle-step and sprints toward the nearest Chick-fil-A. The irony was lost on the emu, but not on us.”
The emu, nicknamed “Fast Eddie” by onlookers, demonstrated impressive tactical evasion skills. It utilized low-hanging oak branches to its advantage and showed a blatant disregard for “No Trespassing” signs. At one point, Eddie reportedly stopped to inspect a deputy’s patrol car, likely checking if the department’s insurance covered “pitting” maneuvers performed by large flightless birds.
A Feathered Standoff
The standoff reached its climax in a suburban backyard. The strategy? A combination of tactical snacks and a very large net. The deputies, trained for high-stress negotiations, quickly realized that “Put your wings up!” was an ineffective command.
Ultimately, the capture was less Bad Boys and more Old MacDonald. With the help of local animal control and a few brave souls who aren’t afraid of being pecked, Eddie was safely apprehended. No tasers were deployed, though several egos were severely bruised during the foot pursuit.
Back to the Coop
The Sheriff’s Office later released a statement reminding citizens that while Florida man stories are common, Florida bird stories are a different breed of chaos. Eddie has since been returned to his rightful owner, presumably to plot his next great escape or at least demand a better brand of grain.
As for the deputies? They’re back to patrolling the streets, though they now carry an extra sense of vigilance. If you see a St. Johns deputy looking a bit nervous near a petting zoo, you’ll know why.
Sources & Links
- St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office Official Facebook Page
- First Coast News: Emu on the loose in St. Johns County
- News4Jax: Deputies help capture runaway emu
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