Home Opinion It’s Okay To Hate Valentine’s Day – Opinion

It’s Okay To Hate Valentine’s Day – Opinion

I’ll always remember one Valentine’s Day many years ago when I picked my oldest son up from kindergarten. He was only five years old at the time, and I will never forget the concern on his face as he anxiously asked, “Dad, is Cupid bad?”

I had to keep myself from laughing, not wanting to invalidate his heartfelt concern. “I’ve always heard of Cupid being connected with good things,” I said. “Why?”

He ignored my question and asked, “Okay then, Dad, is Cupid’s arrow bad?” He was serious. Again, I had to fight my urge to laugh as I responded, “I have never heard anything bad about Cupid’s arrow either.”

My son explained that his teacher told him that if he was hit by Cupid’s arrow, he would fall in love. “Dad,” he said in complete sincerity, “I don’t want to get hit by Cupid’s arrow because then I’ll have to fall in love—and that’s GROSS!”

Faith Based Events

He was feeling the pressure, like so many of us do on Valentine’s day, to fall or be in love with someone. For this, and many other reasons, some people hate Valentine’s Day. If you’re one of those people, you’re in good company.

And that’s totally okay. I’m giving you permission to use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to focus on yourself and the relationships that bring you happiness.

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can feel pretty lonely. Take the pressure off and focus on developing your friendships. If you don’t have a lot of friends at the moment, get involved in a club, a sport, social media or a music group, or volunteer with an organization you want to support. Keep in mind that neither friendship nor love can be forced. It must happen naturally, so relax, take your time, and enjoy your newfound experiences. And don’t forget, you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

Valentine’s Day can stir up difficult and unhappy memories from past or current relationships, reminding you of what went wrong or how your current relationship needs work. However, instead of ruminating on bad experiences, focus on improving relationships going forward. The UF/IFAS Extension SMART Couples program at SmartCouples.org offers relationship strengthening tips based on research and experience working with people in relationships of all kinds. You can also build your relationship skills in-person at SMART Couples workshops currently available in Santa Rosa, Duval, Alachua, Manatee and Palm Beach counties.

Finally, Valentine’s Day can represent all that is contrived and commercialized about love and romance. Some studies suggest that Valentine’s Day spending in 2019 topped 30 billion dollars in the U.S. That’s a lot of candy hearts!

One potential antidote is to do things simply on Valentine’s Day. There’s nothing wrong with ordering in, cooking your own meal, and avoiding the crowds. Or, you can just ignore the day altogether and do what you and your partner decide to do on another day, according to your regular schedule for spending time together.

Whether you like Valentine’s Day or hate it, by taking control of this unique holiday, or just ignoring it altogether, you can make it work for you. That way Cupid, and even Cupid’s Arrow, won’t be a negative because you won’t feel like you “have to” do something, like, heaven forbid, “fall in love.”


Victor Harris teaching a Smart Couples Class.

Victor Harris is an associate professor and extension specialist in the University of Florida department of family, youth and community sciences. He is the director of the UF/IFAS SmartCouples program, which offers free, science-based classes to help Floridians improve their relationships. Learn more at smartcouples.org.


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